The Retiree: July 2, 2014


“Do ice cubes have a brain?” I asked Wife.
“What on earth are you talking about?”
“The ice cube that's currently on the floor,” I said, “doesn't want to be crushed, so it jumped down there after I grabbed it out of the sink, where it had leaped when I hit it with a tablespoon.”
“We do have a hand blender, you know, and it does a dandy job of crushing ice. Just why are you crushing ice, anyway?”
“I'm making LLB,” I said. “You know, the soft drink we liked in Saint Lucia. It's not available in the United States. But I think it's really big in India, and you can get it in Canada. I went on line and found out that they just don't sell it here. Maybe it's the bitters. The internet says it means Lemon Lime Bitters, and there's a teeny bit of alcohol in the bitters. Maybe that's the problem. I found a recipe, though. Evidently there are five or six other people in the country who like it and don't want to go to Toronto or New Delhi.”
“And you didn't want to get the blender, so you used a tablespoon,” she said. “Concluding that ice cubes must have a brain, because one jumped onto the floor. Clean it up. They can't have a brain. The freezer kills them.”
She made me sound so weird. It seemed logical to me. Try swatting a fly. They must have a brain, or they wouldn't be so hard to hit. And ice cubes are much bigger, so why rule out having a brain? It's not like they do algebra or migrate to Mexico for the winter. It wouldn't have to be a big brain. Just enough to escape a tablespoon.
Bitters, too, do things that don't appear accidental. Try dripping some on your counter. In a minute they make a stain that's really hard to remove. I can't imagine how that colors my stomach, and I don't know how I'd ever find out. Thinking a liquid can have a brain, though, is a big leap from ice cube brains. One of these days I'll give it more thought, because bitters seem to want to make spots where I don't want spots. They could be evil . . . but that would be silly. I only use about six drops for a glass, anyway, so it's not worth a big study.
Oh, well, there are lots of things I don't understand. I guess it's good enough just to stir up my lime juice and bitters, with lemonade and a little sugar, because I didn't get sweetened lime juice. That's pretty much the recipe, if you want to try it.
Be careful with the ice cubes, though.
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